Sexting: do you know the risks?

Sending sexual messages or sexually explicit pictures of yourself to someone you know might seem harmless, but what happens if these are seen by other people? Find out the facts, the risks and how to protect yourself.

"Sexting" is when people send sexual messages – sometimes together with photos or videos (also known as nude or semi-nude selfies) – by text, an app or online.

People might send sext messages to boyfriends, girlfriends, someone they fancy, someone they've met online, or a friend for a laugh.

According to sexual health and wellbeing charity Brook, some young people feel under pressure to swap personal pictures and messages because they think everyone else is doing it.

But research shows they're not. And sometimes sexting can be harmful.

Sexting images is illegal for under-18s

Sending – or even possessing – sexual images or videos of anyone under the age of 18 is illegal, even if the participants agreed to it.

As Brook explains, this is classed as a form of child abuse or child sexual exploitation.

But research shows only a small minority of people under the age of 16 are sexting.

Why do people try sexting?

Some people might like the idea of sexting rather than talking face to face.

Lots of people find it easier to say what they really feel, what they really like and what they really want by text, email or instant messaging.

For many people, talking online is a part of everyday life, as is sharing photos through social media.

So sending a sext might feel like only a small step, especially if it's to someone you're flirting with or who you fancy.

What can go wrong with sexting?

Once you hit "send", the message or picture is out of your hands. It could be seen by anyone, including your friends, family or total strangers.

If you send or upload a picture and then regret doing it, there's no guarantee you can get it removed. Even if it can be deleted, it could already have been copied.

Similarly, if you send a picture or video to someone but then ask them to delete it, they might not want to, may not know how to, or might already have shared it with other people or saved it elsewhere.

Sexts shared with other people or uploaded on to websites without your permission is a form of cyberbullying.

It can lead to threats being made – for example, your family will be shown the pictures if you do not send more images.

At its most extreme this is sometimes known as "sextortion".

Is sexting harmful?

There are risks involved that can be harmful, as James, 17, discovered.

"Someone saw a video message I had sent to a previous girlfriend, took a screenshot and posted it online," he says.

"Lots of people I knew saw it and I was called a pervert. I was completely devastated and, to be honest, almost suicidal.

"I got the picture taken down eventually, but by that stage people had 'unfriended' me and the damage was done."

Grooming

Sometimes sexting can lead to "grooming" online by strangers pretending to be younger than they are.

This happened to Kathryn at the age of 14. Her sister Abigail, 17, met a stranger online who said he was also 17 – he was in fact 42.

Abigail and the stranger became involved in secret phone calls and sexts. The stranger also began to phone and sext Kathryn.

Fortunately, Kathryn's mother discovered one of the sexts and found out the man had arranged to meet both girls after school. The police intervened and the man admitted grooming Abigail, but not Kathryn.

Kathryn was devastated. She had been through the same experience as her sister, but felt she wasn't believed by anyone apart from her family.

She felt it destroyed her self-esteem and started self-harming. Through the support of the NSPCC and her family, Kathryn has recovered, but she feels sexting is "madness".

"I know sexting seems 'normal' to most people of my age. Because of what happened to me, I'm much more vigilant now about how people can use and abuse you."

How can you avoid people seeing your pictures?

There is very little you can do to stop people seeing your pictures or videos once they're uploaded online or sent to someone else.

Some apps, like Snapchat, will automatically destroy pictures after a set period (up to 10 seconds) and will tell you if someone takes a screenshot. But people can still take pictures of pictures with other devices or apps.

If the picture has been shared on social media or online, you can usually ask the service provider to remove it, but it can take time, and it’s not always possible.

You can report it to the Child Exploitation and Online Protection Centre (CEOP). CEOP will help you access support and advice.

For more advice about how to stay safe, visit the CEOP Thinkuknow website.

If someone you know suggests sexting

Remember that relationships should be based on respect and trust. If someone truly respects you, they will not pressure you into doing something you don't want to do.

"If someone is making you feel uncomfortable," says Kathryn, "saying or asking things that just don't feel right, stop all contact immediately.

"Talk to your mum or dad or, if you don't feel it's something you can share with them, make sure you tell another trusted adult or a service like Childline.

"Don't try to deal with it alone."

James, Abigail and Kathryn's names have been changed

How to talk to your child about sex

If your child is asking questions about sex, they're ready for truthful answers. It's never too early to start talking about it – find out how to go about it.

Children are naturally curious about their bodies and other people. By answering any questions they ask, you can help them understand their bodies, their feelings and other people's feelings. This is a good basis for open and honest communication about sex and relationships, growing up and going through puberty.

Talking to children about sex won't make them go out and do it. Evidence shows that children whose parents talk about sex openly start having sex at a later stage and are more likely to use contraception.

How much should I tell my child about sex?

It depends on your child. If they seem happy with your answer and don't ask a follow-up question, you've probably given them enough information. If they ask another question, you can tell them more.

You don't have to go into detail. A short, simple answer might be enough. For example, if your three-year-old asks why she hasn't got a penis like her brother, you could tell her that boys have penises on the outside and girls have vaginas on the inside. This could be enough to satisfy her curiosity.

Work out exactly what your child wants to know. For example, if they ask a question, such as "Where do babies come from?", identify what they're asking. Don't make it more complicated than it needs to be.

You could answer by saying: "Babies grow in a woman's tummy, and when they're ready they come out into the world". This might be enough.

If not, your child's follow-up question could be, "How does the baby get in there?" You could answer, "A man puts a seed in there". Or your child may ask, "How does the baby get out?" You could answer, "It comes out through a special passage in the woman's body called a vagina".

What do children need to know about sex?

They need to know that it's OK to talk about sex and relationships, and that you're happy to talk about it. They'll learn this through your tone and manner when you talk about sex, so try to treat sex as a normal, everyday subject.

Beyond sex, your child needs to know the following main topics:

• the changes to expect during puberty – find out more about girls' bodies and boys' bodies
• how babies are made
• how pregnancy happens and how contraception can prevent it – find out more about getting pregnant
• safer sex and how to use condoms to prevent sexually transmitted infections (STIs)
• where they can get information and advice about sex and relationships – find out more about getting contraception
• sexuality, and that it's OK to be gay

Your child needs to know about puberty before they go through it, otherwise they could be scared or shocked by the changes. Find out more about girls and puberty and boys and puberty.

Girls need to know about starting periods before they're around 10 years old, and boys need to know about the changes they can expect before they're around 12. There's no reason for girls and boys not to learn the same things. For example, boys can learn about periods, and girls can learn about erections.

If your child is approaching the age where they need to know about puberty or sex and relationships, but they're not asking questions about it, use everyday situations to lead to the conversation. For example, you could talk about a story in a TV programme, or bring up periods when you see tampons or sanitary pads in a shop.

Tell your child that they're growing up, there will be some changes that happen to everyone and you want to let them know what to expect.

Why your child should know about sex

Children need to know about sex, pregnancy, contraception and safer sex before they start any sexual activity. This is so they will know what to think about, such as safer sex and not doing anything they don't want to do. This way, they can make decisions that are right for them when the time comes.

Most young people in the UK don't have sex until they're at least 16.

Everyone needs to know about safer sex, whether they're straight, gay, lesbian or bisexual. Women can pass STIs on to women and men can pass STIs on to men. For more information, see sexual health for women who have sex with women and for men who have sex with men.

Have an answer ready for awkward situations

No matter how open you are about sex, there will be times when you need a quick answer to deal with awkward questions, for example, in the supermarket queue or on a bus.

Say something like, "That's a good question. I'd like to talk about that when we get home", or "That's a good question, but we need to talk about it in private". Make sure you remember to talk about it later.

The fpa has helpful information for parents. Its book 'Speakeasy: talking with your children about growing up' spells out how to sit down and talk to your children about puberty, sex and relationships in an age-appropriate way. It is suitable for parents with children of any age.

You can buy the book direct from the fpa or check if your local library stocks it or can order it for you.

Are you ready for sex?

Find out the things you need to ask yourself if you're thinking about having sex.

Most people have sex for the first time when they're 16 or older, not before. If someone's boasting about having sex, it's possible they're pretending.

There are no rules about how long you have to be going out with someone before you have sex. Being ready happens at different times for everyone – don't decide to have sex just because your friends or partner are pressuring you.

You can read this whole page or go straight to the sections to find out more:

• Sex and the law
• It's your decision
• How to talk about sex
• The questions to ask yourself about sex
• How do I bring up the subject of safer sex?
• Lesbian, gay or bisexual sex
• Reading the signs they want sex
• Alcohol won't help

Sex and the law

The law says it's legal for you to agree – or consent – to sex from the age of 16.

If you're under 16, you can get confidential contraceptive and sexual health services, including advice about an unplanned pregnancy.

You can get free condoms from some GPs, community contraceptive or young persons' clinics, and Brook services.

If you're under 13, the situation is different because the law says you can't consent to any sexual activity at this age.

Read Will they tell my parents? to find out more about confidentiality, whatever your age.

Deciding when to have sex

Working out when you're ready to have sex and feeling comfortable about it is one of life's big decisions. You're the only one who can, and should, decide.

Just because you've had sex before, even with the same person, doesn't mean you have to do it again.

How to talk about sex

It's better to have an embarrassing talk about sex than an embarrassing sexual experience before you're ready.

There are lots of things to think and talk about, such as:

• Are you both ready?
• Will you be having sex for the right reasons, and not because of peer pressure or partner pressure?
• Do you have contraception sorted?

Sex isn't the only aspect of a relationship, and there are other ways of enjoying each other's company. Discuss what you want and what you don't want to do.

You can do other things you both like, such as talking, meeting each other's family and friends, going to gigs or the cinema, taking part in sport, walking, and listening to music.

The questions to ask yourself about sex

You need to have the confidence to work out how you want to respond if sex comes up and how far to go. Ask yourself if you feel comfortable.

Is it the right time, in the right place, and with the right person? Do you really trust the person, and do you feel the same way about one another?

If you think you might have sex, ask yourself the following questions:

• Does it feel right?
• Do I love my partner?
• Does he/she love me just as much?
• Have we talked about using condoms to prevent STIs and HIV, and was the talk OK?
• Have we got contraception organised to protect against pregnancy?
• Do I feel able to say "no" at any point if I change my mind, and will we both be OK with that?

If you answer yes to all these questions, the time may be right. But if you answer yes to any of the following questions, it might not be:

• Do I feel under pressure from anyone, such as my partner or friends?
• Could I have any regrets afterwards?
• Am I thinking about having sex just to impress my friends or keep up with them?
• Am I thinking about having sex just to keep my partner?

Being in a relationship doesn't mean you have to have sex. Even if you've done it once or twice, you still need to make sure your boyfriend or girlfriend is as keen as you are each time.

How do I bring up the subject of safer sex?

When you decide to have sex, there's the possibility of pregnancy, catching a sexually transmitted infection (STI) such as chlamydia, or both. Whoever you're thinking of having sex with, it's important to talk about contraception and condoms before you have sex. Both of you have a responsibility to have this conversation.

Starting a conversation about the different types of contraception could be a good way to start talking about other issues to do with sex, such as how you feel about it and what you do and don't want to do.

You could try saying, "I found out there are 15 different types of contraception … If we were to have sex, which one should we use?".

Researching the options together will help both of you feel more confident and in control of the situation. Find out about the 15 different kinds of contraception.

You can get free and confidential advice about sex, contraception and abortion at any time. Visit your local doctor, community contraceptive clinic, sexual health or genitourinary medicine (GUM) clinic, or young persons' clinic. Call the national sexual health helpline on 0300 123 7123 for details. Find your local sexual health services.

Using condoms

You need to use condoms to reduce the risk of catching an STI, including HIV, whoever you're having sex with.

If you're in a boy/girl couple, you should use an additional form of contraception to prevent an unintended pregnancy.

Choosing the right contraception

There are 15 different kinds of contraception, including the implant, the injection, the combined pill, and the progestogen-only pill.

Most kinds of contraception are used by girls, but both of you have a responsibility to talk about this: a pregnancy will affect both of you.

Lesbian, gay or bisexual sex

If you have lesbian, gay or bisexual sex, it's important to use a condom every time as you can still get or pass on STIs, including HIV. You also need to know about contraception in case you have straight sex as well.

Find out more about sexual health for women who have sex with women and men who have sex with men.

Reading the signs they want sex

Many people are surprised when a situation leads to sex, so learn to read the signs. If someone suggests you find a quiet place, makes lots of physical contact, or suddenly tries to charm and flatter you, they might be thinking about sex, even if you're not.

You need to decide whether you want to have sex. Don't let someone else decide for you by just going along with it. Make the decision in advance and stay in control of the situation – especially if you've had alcohol, because you'll be less inhibited.

If you're not sure you can stay in control, avoid situations that could lead to sex, such as going to someone's room or somewhere quiet.

Alcohol won't help

Many people have sex or lose their virginity when they've been drinking. After a few drinks, you're more likely to lose your judgement, and may do things you wouldn't do normally. You may regret your actions in the morning, and you won't be able to undo what you've done.

People are also more likely to have sex without a condom when they're drunk. This can lead to an STI or unintended pregnancy.

Find outmore about sex, alcohol and keeping safe.

Boys and puberty Q&A

Puberty is the process of growing from a boy into a young man. Here's what to expect.

Scroll down to watch a video on puberty

When will I start puberty?

If puberty hasn’t started yet, don’t worry. Most boys begin when they’re around 13 or 14 years old, but some start earlier and some later.

We all grow and change at different rates, and there’s nothing you can do to make it happen sooner or later. Your body will change when it’s ready.

It’s normal to feel confused or worried sometimes. It can help to talk to someone you trust, such as your dad, mum, brother or a trusted teacher.

What will happen to my body?

There are plenty of signs that puberty has started. Every boy is different, but here are some of the most common changes to look out for:

Getting taller

Your body grows, and it may become more muscular.

Bigger penis and balls

Your testicles and penis grow, and they may feel itchy or uncomfortable.

Unexpected erections

Your body produces more hormones, so you might get erections when you least expect them.

Spots and sweat

Hormones can make you sweaty and spotty, but as long as you have good personal hygiene, you can still look and feel healthy.

Read about acne.

Wet dreams

You start producing sperm, and you may have wet dreams in which you ejaculate (release fluid containing sperm out of your penis) while you're asleep. This is normal.

Hair growth

Areas of your body become more hairy, including your armpits, legs, arms, face, chest and around your penis.

Deeper voice

As your voice begins to break, you might sound croaky for a while, or you might have a high voice one minute and a low voice the next. It will settle down eventually.

Mood swings

You may have mood swings and feel emotional, but your feelings will settle down in time.

For more information, read the boys’ bodies Q&A, which includes answers to questions about penis size and sperm.

Girls and puberty Q&A

Puberty is when a girl grows up into a young woman. Every girl goes through it, but it can be a tough time. Here are the changes to expect.

Watch a video on puberty

When will I start puberty?

Puberty usually starts between the ages of 8 and 14, but every girl is different. We all grow and change at different rates, and there's nothing you can do to make it happen sooner or later. Your body will change when it's ready.

Your breasts may grow quickly or slowly. You might have your first period, then not have another one for months. There's no such thing as "normal", so don't panic if your experience is different from other girls.

If you feel confused, you're not the only person. Try talking to someone you trust, such as your mum, dad, sister, friends, or a teacher.

What will happen to my body at puberty?

During puberty, it's normal to experience the following changes:

Growing taller

You'll get taller, and this might happen quite quickly.

Breasts and hips get bigger

Your breasts and hips get bigger. You might feel itchy or uncomfortable when this happens. This is normal.

Hair grows on your body

Hair grows under your arms and around your vagina. Some girls develop hair on other parts of their body, such as their top lip. This is normal.

Periods start

Your periods will start at some point during puberty. You might get period pains before or during your period. Find out more about periods.

Vaginal discharge begins

You may notice your vagina produces vaginal discharge (fluid). This is normal. It's your vagina's way of keeping clean and healthy. The discharge should be colourless or white, and shouldn't smell. If it looks green or yellow and smells, see a doctor as you might have an infection.

Spots and sweat appear

Hormones can make you sweaty or spotty, but as long as you have good personal hygiene, you can still look and feel healthy. Find out about acne.

Feelings go up and down

You might have mood swings and feel emotional, but your feelings will settle down eventually.

Find out more about girls' bodies, including breast size, dealing with periods, pregnancy and sex.

Boys' bodies Q&A

Puberty can be a confusing time, because your body and your feelings are changing as you grow up. Here are answers to some of the questions that boys often ask about their bodies.

To find a GP surgery or clinic near you, use the service search

Click on the questions to go directly to the answer.

• What age do you go through puberty?
• What's the average penis size?
• What is circumcision?
• I have spots on my penis and it itches. Is this normal?
• Is it normal for my penis to smell fishy and have white bits behind the tip?
• What is sperm?
• Is it normal to get an erection when you wake up in the morning?
• Is it normal for one testicle to hang lower than the other?
• How do I know if I have testicular cancer?
• What is premature ejaculation?
• Can you pee while having sex?
• Why is it harder to ejaculate when you have sex a second time soon after the first?

At what age do you go through puberty?

Puberty describes all the physical changes that children go through as they grow into adults. Most boys start to go through puberty when they're around 13 or 14 years old, but there's no right or wrong time. It might be sooner or it might be later, and this is normal.

Read more on boys and puberty.

What's the average penis size?

Penis size varies, in the same way that everyone is a different height, weight and build. Most men's penises are somewhere around 9cm (3.75in) long when they’re not erect, but it’s normal for them to be shorter or longer than this. Some things can make your penis temporarily smaller, such as swimming or being cold.

Most penises are roughly the same size when they’re hard, between about 15 and 18cm (6-7in) long. You can’t make your penis larger or smaller with exercises or medication. Find out more about penis size.

What is circumcision?

Circumcision is an operation to remove the piece of skin (the foreskin) that covers the tip of the penis. In the UK, it's usually done for religious reasons, and is most common in the Jewish and Muslim communities. If you've been circumcised, it's nothing to worry about. It won’t affect your ability to have sex.

Female genital mutilation (also called female circumcision or FGM) is illegal in the UK. It involves cutting off some or all of a girl’s external genitals, such as the labia and clitoris.

I have spots on my penis and it itches. Is this normal?

Lots of boys have normal lumps and bumps on their penis, and spots can also be caused by an allergy or irritation. But if you're worried, seek advice from a doctor or clinic. Medical people see problems like this every day, so there's nothing to be embarrassed about.

If you've recently had sex without using a condom, you may have picked up a sexually transmitted infection (STI). Visit a sexual health or genitourinary medicine (GUM) clinic, GP, nurse, young people’s clinic or a community contraceptive clinic.

Find a sexual health clinic near you.

Is it normal for my penis to smell fishy and have white bits behind the tip?

This can happen from time to time. To prevent it, wash gently behind the foreskin if you have one (boys who have been circumcised don’t have a foreskin) when you bath or shower. Use water, or water and a mild soap. Read more about washing your penis.

If you're washing carefully and the symptoms don't go away, and you've had sex without a condom, you may have an STI. See a doctor, or visit a sexual health or GUM clinic, young people’s sexual health or community contraceptive clinic. Find a sexual health clinic near you.

What is sperm?

Sperm is produced in the testicles (balls) and released in fluid called semen during sexual activity. Every time you ejaculate (come) you can produce more than 100 million sperm. But it only takes one sperm to get a girl pregnant, and that can happen before the boy ejaculates. This is because the fluid that comes out of the tip of his penis before ejaculation (called pre-ejaculatory fluid) can contain sperm.

If you're having sex with a girl, always use contraception and condoms to prevent both pregnancy and STIs. Talk to your partner about what contraception she's using, and make sure that you use condoms as well.

If you’re having sex with a boy, always use condoms to stop yourself getting an STI or passing one on.

Is it normal to get an erection when you wake up in the morning?

Yes, most boys have an erection when they wake up in the morning. They can also get one when they're not expecting it during the day, even when they’re not sexually excited. This is a normal part of sexual development and growing up.

Is it normal for one testicle to hang lower than the other?

Yes, this is normal and nothing to worry about. One theory is that it stops your testicles banging together when you run.

How do I know if I have testicular cancer?

Check your testicles every month by gently rolling them, one at a time, between your thumb and fingers to feel for any unusual lumps or bumps. You’ll feel a hard ridge on the upper back of each ball. This is the epididymis, where sperm is stored, and it’s normal to feel it here.

If you feel any lumps, it probably isn’t testicular cancer, but get it checked by a doctor anyway. Other warning signs include:

• one ball growing larger or heavier than the other
• an ache in your balls
• bleeding from your penis

If you notice any of these, see your doctor. If caught early, testicular cancer can usually be treated successfully.

What is premature ejaculation?

This is when a boy or man ejaculates (comes) too quickly during sex. It is fairly common, especially among younger men, and can be due to nerves or over-excitement. Some people don’t worry about it, and some find that using a condom can help to delay ejaculation. Read more about premature ejaculation.

If it bothers you, see your local doctor or nurse, or visit a sexual health or GUM clinic, young people’s clinic or community contraceptive clinic. These places will give you free and confidential advice whatever your age, even if you're under 16. Find a GP or sexual health clinic near you.

Can you pee while having sex?

No. During sex, a valve shuts the outlet tube from your bladder, so that only sperm can pass through the tube (urethra), which you use to pee.

Why is it harder to ejaculate when you have sex a second time soon after the first?

If you have sex a second time straight after the first, it can take longer for you to reach orgasm (come). This is normal. If you're worried, take a longer break after sex before you start again. Whether it's the first, second or tenth time you've had sex that day, always use a new condom to protect against pregnancy and STIs.

Pregnancy tests: advice for young people

Pregnancy tests detect the presence of the pregnancy hormone in your body. This hormone is called human chorionic gonadotropin (HCG). Find out about when you can do a pregnancy test, and what to do if it's positive.

A pregnancy test is the only way to know for sure whether you're pregnant.

• When to do a pregnancy test
• Doing a pregnancy test if you're on the pill
• What's a test like?
• Negative test result
• Positive test result

Most do-it-yourself pregnancy tests can be carried out on or after the day your next period is due. If you don't know when your next period is due, do the test at least 21 days after you last had unprotected sex.

Some very sensitive pregnancy tests can be used even before you miss a period, from as early as eight days after conception.

Find out more about periods and the menstrual cycle.

If you're pregnant, the amount of HCG in your body rises rapidly in the early days and weeks. A home pregnancy test can detect this in your urine.

You may suspect you're pregnant because you have certain symptoms, such as:

• enlarged or tingling breasts
• nausea (feeling sick)
• feeling faint
• a metallic taste in your mouth
• a feeling that your period is about to start

However, not every woman has these symptoms.

Doing a pregnancy test if you're on the Pill

Always take a pregnancy test if you think you might be pregnant, no matter what type of contraception you use or have previously used.

Hormonal methods of contraception, such as the combined pill, progestogen-only pill, implants and injections, work by changing a woman's hormone balance. Taking these hormones won't affect the result of a pregnancy test.

You can take a pregnancy test if you're using hormonal contraception. The result will still be reliable. If the test is positive, this means you're pregnant.

What's a pregnancy test like?

Most pregnancy tests come in a small box that contains one or two long sticks. You pee on the stick and the result appears on the stick after a few minutes. All tests are slightly different, so always read the instructions.

The following places provide free pregnancy tests:

• some community contraceptive clinics – find sexual health services near you
• some sexual health or genitourinary medicine (GUM) clinics
• some young people's services – call the national sexual health helpline on 0300 123 7123 for details
• Brook centres – for under-25s
• some GP surgeries
• some pharmacies

These places provide a confidential service, which means they won't tell your parents or carers unless they think you're at risk. This is true even if you're under 16.

Alternatively, you can buy a test from pharmacies or some supermarkets.

Negative pregnancy test results

If you get a negative (not pregnant) result from the pregnancy test but still think you could be pregnant, wait another three days then take another test. It could be you've taken the test too early. Speak to your GP if you get a negative result after a second test but your period hasn't arrived.

If you're not pregnant, now is a good time to get advice about the range of contraceptive choices and find a method that suits you. See your GP, a community contraceptive clinic, a young persons' clinic, or a sexual health or GUM clinic.

Find sexual health services near you.

Positive pregnancy test results

If the test is positive, you're pregnant. You should discuss your options with your GP or a doctor or nurse at your community contraceptive clinic, young persons' service or sexual health clinic.

If you decide to continue the pregnancy, see your GP as you need to start antenatal care.

If you decide to seek an abortion, it's safest to do this as early as possible. Most abortions are carried out before 13 weeks of pregnancy. Find out about what to do in abortion: your options.

You can also talk to someone you trust, such as your boyfriend, friends or parents. Or you can learn more about your options through the following organisations:

• bpas
• Brook
• fpa
• Marie Stopes – 0345 300 8090
• Terrence Higgins Trust – 0808 802 1221

All these services, including community contraceptive clinics, are confidential, so they won't tell your parents.

Could I be pregnant?

If you’re a girl and you have unprotected sex (without contraception) with a boy, you could get pregnant. Find out the signs of pregnancy and where to go for support.

Pregnancy is a real possibility when you have sex, and there are lots of rumours about when and where you can get pregnant.

You can read this whole article, or go straight to the relevant bit for you:

• When can I get pregnant?
• What's emergency contraception and where can I get it from?
• What are the signs of pregnancy?
• When can I take a pregnancy test?
• What if I'm pregnant?

When can I get pregnant?

Don’t believe everything you hear. The truth is that it's possible for you to get pregnant:

• if it’s the first time you're having sex
• at any time of the month, including during your period
• even if the boy pulls his penis out before he comes (ejaculates)
• even if you haven't started your periods
• no matter what position you have sex in, including standing up
• even if you stand up, wash or jump up and down immediately after sex
• if you don’t have an orgasm
• even if the boy says he’ll be careful (boys can't stop themselves from leaking sperm before they come)

Read more facts about sex.

Pregnancy can also happen if your usual contraception hasn’t worked – for example, if you’re on the pill, but you've vomited, had diarrhoea or forgotten to take the pill. Contraception only works if it's used correctly and consistently. Find out:

• the 15 methods of contraception
• what to do if you're on the pill and you're sick or have diarrhoea

What's emergency contraception?

If you have unprotected sex, or if you think your contraception has failed, you can avoid an unplanned pregnancy by using emergency contraception. This should only be used in an emergency and is not a replacement for regular contraception. Emergency contraception does not protect against sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

There are two types:

• The emergency contraceptive pill (sometimes called the "morning-after" pill). There are two kinds of emergency contraceptive pill. Levonelle has to be taken within 72 hours of sex; ellaOne has to be taken within 120 hours of sex. Both are more effective the sooner they are taken.
• The intrauterine device (IUD), which can be put into your uterus up to five days after unprotected sex.

You can get free emergency contraception from GPs, community contraceptive clinics, Brook services (if you’re under 25), some sexual health and genitourinary medicine (GUM) clinics, clinics for young people and some pharmacies. Find sexual health services, including contraceptive clinics, near you.

You can get emergency contraception, whatever your age. If you're over 16, you can buy the emergency contraceptive pill from pharmacies.

What are the signs of pregnancy?

The first sign of pregnancy that most girls and women notice is a missed period, but to know for sure, you'll need to take a pregnancy test. Find out about doing a pregnancy test.

Free and confidential tests are available at some GP surgeries, Brook services (if you’re under 25), contraceptive clinics or young people’s clinics. They won’t tell your parents, even if you're under 16. You can also buy pregnancy testing kits from a pharmacy or supermarket.

Other signs and symptoms of pregnancy include:

• sore breasts
• feeling sick or vomiting at any time of the day or night
• feeling very tired
• needing to pee often

If you’re worried that you might be pregnant, go to a clinic or GP as soon as possible to find out for sure. Whatever the results of your test, they can offer you help and support. If you are pregnant, a doctor or nurse will explain your options and where to get advice and independent counselling.

If you're not pregnant, you can get advice on effective contraception to avoid the risk of an unplanned pregnancy in the future.

When can I take a pregnancy test?

You can take a test the day your period is due. If you’re not sure when your period is due, do the test 21 days (three weeks) after either:

• you had unprotected sex
• the time you may have forgotten to take the pill
• think there may have been a problem with your contraception

What if I'm pregnant?

If the test is positive, you're pregnant and you need to decide what to do next. Talk to a doctor or nurse at the clinic, or to your GP, about your options. It might also help to talk to someone close to you.

Get all the information you need as soon as possible, so you can make a decision about the pregnancy that’s right for you. Don't delay your decision, and don’t pretend the pregnancy isn’t real, as it won’t go away.

If you decide to continue the pregnancy, you will need to start your antenatal (pregnancy) care as soon as possible.

An unplanned pregnancy can be stressful and you may feel unable to continue with it. You should discuss this with your GP, who will explain your options, including the possibility of an abortion.

Abortion is safer and easier the earlier it is carried out in pregnancy. Most abortions in England and Wales are done in the first 13 weeks (three months). All women requesting an abortion should be offered the chance to discuss their options with a trained counsellor.

15 things you should know about sex

There are so many stories around sex, it’s hard to know what to believe. Find out the facts - it's the best way to make sure you have safer sex.

Watch a video on teens and unsafe sex

• Can you get pregnant the first time you have sex?
• Can you get pregnant if a boy withdraws (pulls out) before he comes?
• Can you get pregnant if you have sex during your period?
• Can you get pregnant if you have sex standing up?
• Can you get pregnant from oral sex?
• Does alcohol make you better in bed?
• Can you use clingfilm as a condom?
• Will a boy's balls explode if he doesn't have sex?
• Can you wash condoms and use them again?
• Can you get pregnant if you have sex only once?
• Do you always get symptoms if you have an STI?
• Can women who have sex with women get STIs?
• Do all gay men have anal sex?
• Does starting her periods mean a girl is ready to have sex?
• Can I get help and information on sex if I need it?

1: Can you get pregnant the first time you have sex?

Yes, pregnancy is possible even if it is the first time a girl has had sex. The truth is, if a boy and a girl have sex and don’t use contraception, she can get pregnant, whether it’s her first time or she has had sex lots of times.

A boy can get a girl pregnant the first time he has sex with her. If you’re female and have sex, you can get pregnant as soon as you start ovulating (releasing eggs). This happens before you have your first period. Read more about periods and the menstrual cycle.

Using contraception protects against pregnancy. Using condoms as well also protects against sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Before you have sex, talk to your partner about contraception, and make sure you’ve got some. Find out about getting contraception and tips on using condoms.

2: Can you get pregnant if a boy withdraws (pulls out) before he comes?

Yes, you can. There's a myth that a girl can’t get pregnant if a boy withdraws his penis before he ejaculates (comes). The truth is, pulling out the penis won’t stop a girl from getting pregnant.

Before a boy ejaculates, there's sperm in the pre-ejaculatory fluid (pre-come), which leaks out when he gets excited. It only takes one sperm to get a girl pregnant. Pre-come can contain STIs, so withdrawing the penis won't prevent you from getting an infection.

If a boy says he’ll take care to withdraw before he ejaculates, don’t believe him. Nobody can stop themselves from leaking sperm before they come. Always use a condom to protect yourself against STIs, and also use other contraception to prevent unwanted pregnancy.

3: Can you get pregnant if you have sex during your period?

Yes, a girl can get pregnant during her period. The truth is, she can get pregnant at any time of the month if she has sex without contraception.

Sperm can survive for several days after sex, so even if you do it during your period, sperm can stay in the body long enough to get you pregnant.

4: Can you get pregnant if you have sex standing up?

Yes, a girl can become pregnant in any position that she has sex. It is a myth that a girl can’t get pregnant if she has sex standing up, sitting down, or if she jumps up and down afterwards. The truth is, there’s no such thing as a "safe" position if you’re having sex without a condom or another form of contraception.

There are also no "safe" places to have sex, including the bath or shower. Pregnancy can happen whatever position you do it in, and wherever you do it. All that's needed is for a sperm to meet an egg.

5: Can you get pregnant from oral sex?

No, you can't get pregnant following oral sex. The truth is, a girl can’t get pregnant this way, even if she swallows sperm. But you can catch STIs through oral sex, including gonorrhoea, chlamydia and herpes. It’s safer to use a condom on a penis if you have oral sex.

6: Does alcohol make you better in bed?

No, alcohol does not make you better in bed. The truth is, when you’re drunk it’s hard to make smart decisions. Alcohol can make you take risks, such as having sex before you’re ready, or having sex with someone you don't like. Drinking won't make the experience better. You’re more likely to regret having sex if you do it when you’re drunk. Find out more about sex and alcohol.

7: Can you use clingfilm as a condom?

No, you cannot use clingfilm, or a plastic bag or a crisp packet instead of a condom. Only a condom can protect against STIs.

You can get condoms free from:

• community contraceptive clinics
• sexual health and genitourinary medicine (GUM) clinics
• some young persons services

You can also buy them from pharmacies and shops. Make sure they have the CE mark or BSI kite mark on them, as this means they've been tested to high safety standards. Find sexual health services near you, including contraception clinics.

8: Will a boy's balls explode if he doesn't have sex?

No, this is not true. Not having sex doesn't harm boys or girls, and a boy’s balls will not explode.

Boys and men produce sperm all the time. If they don’t ejaculate, the sperm is absorbed into their body. Ejaculation can happen if they masturbate or have a wet dream. They don’t have to have sex. Find out about boys' bodies.

9: Can you wash condoms and use them again?

No, condoms should only be used once. Don't believe anyone who says that you can wash condoms and use them again. If you've used a condom, throw it away and use a new one if you have sex again.

This is true for male condoms and female condoms. Condoms need to be changed after 30 minutes of sex because friction can weaken the condom, making it more likely to break or fail. Get tips on using condoms.

10: Can you get pregnant if you have sex only once?

Yes, it is possible to get pregnant even if you only have sex once. You may have heard the myth that you have to have sex lots of times to get pregnant. The truth is, all it takes is for one sperm to meet an egg. To avoid pregnancy, always use contraception, and use a condom to protect against STIs.

11: Do you always get symptoms if you have an STI?

No, you might not know if you have an STI due to signs such as it hurting when you pee, or noticing a discharge, unusual smell or soreness.

Many people don't notice signs of infection, so you won't always know if you're infected. You can't tell by looking at someone whether they've got an STI. If you're worried that you've caught an STI, visit your GP or local sexual health clinic. Check-ups and tests for STIs are free and confidential, including for under-16s. Find sexual health services near you.

12: Can women who have sex with women get STIs?

Yes, women who sleep with women can get or pass on STIs. If a woman has an STI, the infection can be passed on through vaginal fluid (including fluid on shared sex toys), blood or close bodily contact.

Always use a new condom on shared sex toys. If a woman is also having sex with a man, using contraception and condoms will help to prevent STIs and unintended pregnancy.

13: Do all gay men have anal sex?

No, this isn't true. Anal sex, like any sexual activity, is a matter of preference. Some people choose to do it as part of their sex life and some don’t, whether they're gay, straight, lesbian or bisexual.

According to the Third National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles (published in 2013), 18.5% of men and 17% of women in the 16-24 age group had had anal sex in the previous year. Whatever kind of sex you have, use a condom to protect yourself and your partner against STIs. However, having sex isn't the only way to show your feelings for someone.

14: Does starting her periods mean a girl is ready to have sex?

No, this isn't true. Starting your periods means that you're growing up, and that you could get pregnant if you were to have sex. It doesn’t mean that you're ready to have sex, or that you should be sexually active.

People feel ready to have sex at different times. It’s a personal decision. Most young people in England wait until they're 16 or older before they start having sex. Find out more about periods and the menstrual cycle.

15: Can I get help and information on sex if I need it?

If you want to talk to someone in confidence, you can call the national sexual health helpline on 0300 123 7123.

Find sexual health services near you.

To find your nearest young people's service, visit the Ask Brook website.

Find out where to get help when sex goes wrong.

Condom, no condom? is an interactive video on YouTube where you decide what happens. Just choose which button to click at the end of each section to continue the story, and see the consequences of your choices.

Will they tell my parents?

Find out about confidential sexual health services, including contraception, testing for sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and advice on unplanned pregnancy, even if you're under 16 years old.

If you're worried, contact the sexual health service and ask about confidentiality. For example, whether they will tell anyone else if someone under 16 asks about contraception.

Sexual health services (contraception and pregnancy advice, or tests for STIs, including HIV) are free and confidential.

If you're 13 to 16, you have the same rights to confidentiality as an adult and the doctor, nurse or pharmacist won't tell your parents, or anyone else, as long as they believe that you fully understand the information and decisions involved.

They'll encourage you to consider telling your parents or carers, but they won't make you.

Even if the doctor, nurse or pharmacist feels that you're not mature enough to make a decision yourself, the consultation will still be confidential. They won't tell anyone that you saw them, or anything about what you said.

The only time a professional might want to tell someone else is if they believe there is a risk to your safety or welfare, such as abuse. The risk would need to be serious, and they would usually discuss this with you first.

The situation is different for people under 13, because the law says that people of this age can't consent (say yes) to sexual activity. If you're under 13, doctors, nurses and health workers might feel it's in your best interests to involve other people, such as a social worker.

What you can get from sexual health services

If the healthcare worker feels that you understand the information and can make your own decision, you can get advice on the following:

• contraception
• emergency contraception (the morning after pill or an intrauterine device [IUD])
• condoms
• unplanned pregnancy
• tests and treatments for STIs, including HIV

Help and advice on sexual health

For more information about sexual health services for young people, contact:

• Brook – the young people's sexual health charity for under-25s.
• FPA – provider of information on individual methods of contraception, common STIs, pregnancy choices, abortion and planning a pregnancy.
• The national sexual health line – on 0300 123 7123 (a confidential helpline).

Further information about sexual health

Where to get contraception

It's OK to say no to sex

When sex goes wrong