Using a sperm donor: what you need to know

Around 1,300 babies are born each year in the UK from donated sperm. Here’s what you need to know if you’re thinking about starting a family with the help of a sperm donor.

Donor sperm can be used to help couples and individuals become parents, regardless of whether you are heterosexual, lesbian, gay, single, married, divorced or co-habiting.

But making the decision to use donated sperm can be difficult and there are many issues to consider.

How to find donor sperm

There are three main routes:

• You can use sperm from an anonymous donor by going to a fertility clinic. These clinics have their own stock of frozen donated sperm, or they buy it in from a sperm bank.
• You can use a donor you already know, say a friend or a donor you have met through an introduction website. You and the donor can together go to a fertility clinic, or you can have a private arrangement whereby the donor provides a fresh sperm sample directly to you, often in your home.
• You can go abroad for treatment with donor sperm.

How to use donor sperm

Donor sperm is usually used to help a woman become pregnant via donor insemination. It’s a straightforward procedure where a fine tube or syringe with the donor sperm inside is inserted into the vagina, cervix or uterus during the woman’s fertile time of the month. It can also be used as part of IVF if necessary.

Read more about artificial insemination.

Read more about IVF.

Going to a fertility clinic

There is a network of fertility clinics, both NHS and private, across the UK, which are licensed by the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Association (HFEA).

Fertility clinic sperm checks

HFEA-licensed clinics and sperm banks have to conform to strict regulations to ensure the donor sperm they supply is free from infections, such as chlamydia and HIV, and certain genetic disorders. They also have support and legal advice on hand.

If you use a licensed clinic, you won’t know the identity of the sperm donor but you will be able to find out information such as his ethnic group, personal characteristics and so on. Your child will also be able to access this non-identifying information about the donor when they reach 16.

In addition, your child will be able to get information the donor provided (name, last-known address and so on) when they reach 18 years old. This applies if the treatment took place after April 1 2005. Before then, sperm donors were anonymous.

Read the HFEA's information on how grown-up children can get information on their sperm donor.

Fertility clinics, donor sperm and your legal rights

If you use donated sperm from a licensed clinic, you can be reassured that the donor will not:

• be the legal parent of your child
• have any legal obligation to the child
• be named on the birth certificate
• have any rights over how the child will be brought up
• be required to support the child financially

You will have parental responsibility and, if you are married or in a civil partnership, your spouse will automatically be the child’s second legal parent (unless it can be shown that he or she did not consent to treatment).

If you are in a relationship, your partner will be the second legal parent if you both sign the relevant consent form available from your clinic.

Finding a fertility clinic

The waiting lists for donor sperm vary from clinic to clinic, so check waiting times with a number of them before choosing where to have your treatment.

If you're hoping to have fertility treatment on the NHS you will need a referral from your GP. To get a referral you’ll need to meet certain criteria. Ask your GP for further information about this.

Use the HFEA’s choose a fertility clinic search function to locate a fertility clinic near you.

Sperm donation by private arrangement

Using donor sperm from someone you already know, or who you have met via an introduction agency with a private arrangement, can be good for some people (for instance if you want ongoing contact with the donor during the child’s life) but it’s unregulated and potentially risky.

You won’t have the legal and medical protections that a licensed clinic can give you and you can’t be sure the donor has been screened and checked. You may, therefore, decide to go to the clinic together so that you have the necessary legal and medical protections.

If not, and you decide to go through with a private arrangement outside of a fertility clinic, you will always be the child’s mother. However, the law on who will be the child’s other parent is murkier. It’s possible that the sperm donor will be the legal father of your child, depending on:

• whether you are single, married or in a civil partnership
• whether the insemination took place through artificial insemination or sexual intercourse
• who is named on the birth certificate
• whether the donor will have established a relationship with the child

Going abroad for donor sperm

Going overseas for treatment with donated sperm may seem an attractive option if it’s cheaper or the waiting list is shorter.

Remember, though, that different safety and legal rules may apply with foreign clinics. If you go to a UK licensed fertility clinic, the donor has no legal responsibility or rights over the child. This is not necessarily the case if you have treatment abroad.

Always do your research before going ahead with treatment abroad, specifically to find out about:

• the clinic’s standards and safety issues
• legal issues surrounding sperm donors and parental responsibility
• the process the foreign clinic uses to recruit and screen sperm donors
• whether there are any limits on the number of families that can be created per donor (in the UK, it is 10 families)
• what information you can access about the sperm donor and what information your child will be able to access

The National Sperm Bank

The National Sperm Bank has opened in Birmingham to tackle the shortage of donor sperm in the UK. It is a central store of sperm for use by both private and NHS fertility clinics.

'Pregnant first time after IVF'

Ashley Stothard was devastated when doctors told her that she would need fertility treatment to conceive. Thankfully, her first cycle of IVF treatment on the NHS was successful.

Facts about PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome)

• PCOS affects millions of women in the UK.
• About 1 in 5 women in the UK have polycystic ovaries, and approximately 1 in 10 have PCOS to some degree.
• Symptoms of PCOS include irregular or light periods, problems getting pregnant, weight gain, acne and excessive hair growth.
• Women with PCOS either fail to ovulate or they ovulate infrequently, which is why it is one of the leading causes of fertility problems.

"My husband Jon and I started trying for a baby when I was just 25. I knew something was wrong when I still wasn’t pregnant after nine months, yet I wasn't having periods either.

"My GP referred me to a hospital consultant at Leeds General Infirmary, who did lots of tests on me. It turned out that I have polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) – a gynaecological disorder in which the edge of the ovary is covered in multiple cysts.

"PCOS is quite common, and it’s one of the leading causes of infertility in women. The cysts can interfere with ovulation, so your periods become light and irregular.

"In my case, I wasn’t ovulating at all, which was why my periods had stopped completely.

"The consultant told me it was unlikely that I’d be able to conceive naturally. He suggested that I have IVF.

"The waiting list for NHS IVF treatment at the hospital was 18 months. That seemed a long time, but to be eligible for treatment I had to lose a little weight to lower my body mass index to below 30 (being overweight reduces the chances of success with IVF).

"I lost the weight that I needed to, and was given the go-ahead for treatment.

"Jon and I were thrilled when the IVF worked first time, and I became pregnant. Two weeks later, we were told that I was having twins.

"I was incredibly pleased with the way I was treated on the NHS. The doctors, nurses and the admin staff were lovely. It was a long wait for treatment, but it was worth it in the end."

More information

All about IVF

Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS)

'Third time lucky with IVF'

Clare Dando was told she was unlikely to have children without IVF. After treatment, she gave birth to Alexander. But just a few months later, she became pregnant again naturally.

'I’d advise other women, and their partners, to make their lifestyle as healthy as possible before they seek help for infertility.'

"I was only 31 when I first started trying for a baby, so when I wasn’t pregnant after nearly a year, I felt that something was wrong."

Clare visited her GP, who was "very sympathetic" and ran some tests.

"My husband’s sperm test was normal, but my blood test suggested that I was ovulating erratically, so we were referred to the NHS fertility clinic at the local hospital."

Fertility tests

Clare had more tests at the hospital's fertility clinic, but it wasn’t clear why she wasn’t conceiving. "I was very overweight at the time. I knew that it can affect fertility, so I vowed to lose weight to see if that would help.

"I managed to lose six stone in four months, and my husband and I treated ourselves to a lovely long holiday in New Zealand. On our return, I went back to the fertility clinic and started taking Clomid – a fertility drug that boosts ovulation.

"I felt dreadful while taking Clomid. I was tearful and tense all the time. I was working as a teacher in a primary school, and it wasn’t easy looking after a class of young children each day, while feeling that I was about to burst into tears."

Blocked fallopian tubes

After three months, Clare couldn’t face taking Clomid any longer. She had a strong feeling that it wasn’t going to work.

It was now three years since she’d first started trying for a baby. The appointments at the NHS fertility clinic were six months apart. Nothing was working, and she wasn’t getting any younger, so Clare and her husband consulted a private fertility clinic.

"One of the first tests was to check my fallopian tubes. It turned out that one was completely blocked, and the other only had a tiny opening. The Clomid had been a waste of time.

"The doctor told me that my best chance of having a baby was through IVF, so I started the first attempt almost straight away.

"The treatment was stressful but straightforward, and I had nine eggs collected, from which we produced four good embryos. Two were implanted and two were frozen.

"A couple of weeks later, I was elated to find out that I was pregnant, only to discover at the seven-week scan that I’d had a miscarriage. It was devastating. My husband and I decided to take some time off.

"My second attempt at IVF also ended in miscarriage. On our third attempt, only one embryo was created. We defrosted two embryos from our first try, but they both died, so only one embryo was transferred. The chances of success weren’t high."

Pregnancy after IVF

"Again, I fell pregnant. It was fantastic news, but I worried throughout the pregnancy that something would go wrong, especially as I bled every week for the first three months. We didn’t even prepare a nursery or buy baby equipment, because we thought it would be a bad omen.

"Nine months later, in June 2008, our beautiful baby son Alexander was born."

When he was just eight months old, Clare found out that she was pregnant again. Amazingly, she’d conceived naturally. Baby Michael was born in October 2009.

Clare’s advice to other women struggling to conceive is to insist that all the key tests are done before starting treatment.

"It took three years to find out that my tubes were blocked. An earlier diagnosis would have saved me a lot of time, worry and unnecessary treatment.

"I’d also advise other women, and their partners, to make sure that their lifestyle is as healthy as possible before they seek help for infertility.

"That means stopping smoking, cutting down on drinking and losing excess weight. Then you know you’ve done all you can as a couple to improve your fertility before the medical profession helps you."

More information

All about IVF

Planning a healthy pregnancy

Julie's story: 'I accept I'll never have a baby'

For some people, fertility treatment never has a happy outcome, and they have to resign themselves to a future without children.

'Being a member of More to Life has really helped me look towards a brighter yet child-free future.'

Julie Kendall, from Saffron Walden in Essex, 51 at the time of this interview, has finally accepted that she and her husband will never have children of their own.

"We tried for years and years to have a baby. It started with visits to the GP, then there was 18 months of temperature taking, then courses of fertility drugs, followed by two failed attempts at IVF."

Unexplained infertility

"We had what's known as 'unexplained infertility'. All the tests came back normal, and there was no obvious medical reason why I wasn’t able to conceive.

"I think it’s almost easier if you’re diagnosed with a medical reason for your infertility because you've got something to focus on, and support is available.

"Life was especially hard during our thirties as our friends produced children, but it wasn’t happening for us. We endured our fertility treatment in silence, and didn’t discuss it with family or friends. That was my way of coping.

"I found IVF so painful and traumatic that after the second attempt we both decided it wasn’t worth going through again. I was in my mid-thirties at the time."

Accepting a childless future

"My husband wanted to move on and make a fresh start, but I needed to go through a period of mourning, because realising that you'll never have children is similar to a bereavement.

"Accepting a childless future was a gradual process for me, and it didn’t happen immediately after treatment came to an end.

"A part of me hoped that I might get pregnant spontaneously, but that never happened and, now I'm 51, it never will.

"Right at the end of treatment was the only time my husband and I saw things differently. At every other stage of our infertility treatment, and up until today, we’ve been very close and supportive of each other.

"We’re lucky. Infertility and the years of treatment can wreck marriages."

Support for childless couples

"Long after we accepted we would never have children, I found the support group More to Life by accident through an article in a magazine. Here was a group of people who were also childless and had experienced many of the same things.

"Being a member of More to Life has really helped me look towards a brighter yet child-free future.

"I’d recommend the group to other women facing up to childlessness, because members are there to offer you emotional support, if you need it. Also, the social events are very good.

"It’s great to be able to spend time with other people who you know aren’t going to be talking about their kids all the time!

"If you’re a woman facing an involuntarily childless future, you have to deal with it in your own way.

"There will be times when your friends and family can’t seem to do anything right. Everything they say will be wrong and upsetting, and you will snap at them. But that’s inevitable, because you’re so emotionally vulnerable.

"I would urge other childless and grieving women to remember that you will eventually get through this. There's light at the end of the tunnel."

Further information

All about IVF

Support if you have fertility problems

When can I get pregnant?

Knowing when you're likely to release an egg (ovulate) can help you plan or avoid pregnancy. Find out when ovulation occurs in the menstrual cycle, and when you can get pregnant.

During the menstrual cycle, an egg is released from one of the woman’s ovaries and travels down the fallopian tube.

The egg only lives for 24 hours after ovulation, and a sperm must meet the egg within that period for pregnancy to happen. However, this doesn't mean that a woman has to have sex on the day of ovulation, as sperm can survive in the fallopian tubes for several days after sex and still fertilise the egg when it's released from the ovary.

When does ovulation happen?

It's difficult to pinpoint exactly when ovulation happens, unless you're practising fertility awareness (FPA guide to natural family planning). However, ovulation usually happens 10-16 days before the start of a woman's next period.

The menstrual cycle is counted from the first day of a woman’s period. This is day one. Some time after her period she will ovulate, then 10-16 days after this she will have her next period. The average cycle takes 28 days, but shorter or longer cycles are normal.

“It’s not accurate to say that women are fertile on day 14 of the menstrual cycle,” says Toni Belfield, a specialist in sexual health information and a trained fertility awareness teacher. Being fertile on day 14 might be true for women who have a regular 28-day cycle, but it won’t apply to all women.

“If your cycle is 35 days long, you're not going to be fertile on day 14 of your cycle. You’re more likely to be fertile around days 19 to 25. If you have a shorter cycle – for example, 23 days – you might ovulate around days 7 to 13."

Sperm can survive in a woman's body for several days after sex. If you want to get pregnant, having sex every couple of days will mean there are always sperm waiting in the fallopian tubes to meet the egg when it's released.

Find out more about getting pregnant. If you think you might be pregnant, read about the signs and symptoms of pregnancy and doing a pregnancy test.

Avoiding pregnancy

To avoid pregnancy, use contraception. There are many methods of contraception you can choose from. Condoms are the only method that help protect against both pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

It's difficult to know exactly when ovulation happens. Therefore, if you're trying to avoid pregnancy, there isn’t a "safe" time of the month to have unprotected sex.

“A woman who doesn’t want to become pregnant shouldn't take the risk,” says Belfield.

For a woman with a shorter menstrual cycle – for example, 23 days – having unprotected sex during her period could put her at risk of pregnancy. “Sperm can hang around for seven days, and she might ovulate very soon after her period has finished.”

Some women use natural family planning to plan or avoid pregnancy, but this needs to be taught by an expert. "Working out your fertile time is very dependent on knowing your cycle and knowing your fertility indicators, which takes observation,” says Belfield.

It involves monitoring vaginal secretions, taking your temperature every day, and keeping a calendar of your cycle, to help pinpoint when ovulation is likely to be happening.

Vaginal secretions change during the menstrual cycle and become thinner and stretchy around ovulation – a bit like raw egg white.

The most effective methods of contraception are long-acting reversible contraceptive (LARC) methods, such as the contraceptive injection, contraceptive implant, intrauterine system (Mirena) and intrauterine device – IUD.

Emergency contraception

If you’ve had unprotected sex, or your contraception has failed, emergency contraception can help prevent an unplanned pregnancy.

There are two types: the emergency contraceptive pill, and the IUD.

The emergency contraceptive pill

Also known as the "morning after pill", this needs to be used within a few days of unprotected sex. Some emergency pills need to be taken within three days (72 hours) of unprotected sex.

Another emergency pill, called ellaOne, is a relatively new method. It can be taken up to five days (120 hours) after sex and is only available with a prescription. For more information about ellaOne, speak to a doctor or nurse.

The IUD

This can be used up to five days after unprotected sex, or up to five days after the earliest time you could have ovulated.

You can get the emergency pill and the IUD free from:

• a GP surgery that provides contraception
• a contraception clinic
• a sexual health clinic
• some genitourinary medicine (GUM) clinics
• a young person's clinic

You can also get the emergency pill for free from:

• some pharmacies
• most NHS walk-in centres and minor injuries units
• some Accident and Emergency (A&E) departments

You can buy the emergency pill from most pharmacies if you're aged 16 or over, and some privately run clinics, such as bpas or Marie Stopes. The cost varies, but is around £26.

Read more articles about periods.

Gay health: having children

More and more lesbians, gay men and bisexuals are becoming parents.

'Lesbians, bisexuals and gay men may have had more time to think through exactly how, why and what they're going to do when they have a child'

If you're a gay man or a lesbian, it doesn't mean you have to go through life without having a family of your own. The options available to potential gay and lesbian parents are wider now than ever before.

Dr Justin Varney, a public health consultant in London, says: "Gay men and lesbians are in the wonderful position where getting pregnant is a choice. It's a serious choice, but it is a choice."

But it's important to think through the implications of starting a family, says Dr Varney. "There are good organisations to talk to, or other gay parents who can tell you what having a child is like."

Some lesbian, gay or bisexual parents had children when they were in straight relationships that have ended. Otherwise, there are four main ways to have a child:

• donor insemination
• co-parenting
• adoption
• surrogacy

Donor insemination

This is where a man donates sperm so a woman can inseminate herself. She can be single or in a relationship.

Donor insemination can be performed at home using sperm from a friend or an anonymous donor, or at a fertility clinic using an anonymous donor.

If you decide to look for donor insemination, it's generally better to go to a licensed clinic where the sperm is screened to ensure it's free from sexually transmitted infections and certain genetic disorders. Fertility clinics also have support and legal advice on hand.

Thanks to recent changes in the law, lesbian couples who are civil partners at the time of conception and conceive a child through donor insemination – either at a licensed clinic or by private arrangement at home – will now both automatically be treated as their child's legal parents.

So too will couples who aren't civil partners at the time of conception but who conceive through donor insemination at a licensed clinic.

However, when non-civil partners conceive through donor insemination by private arrangement at home, the non-birth mother has no legal parenthood and will have to adopt the child to obtain parental rights.

Read more about artificial insemination.

Co-parenting

This is typically when a lesbian and a gay man team up to have children together, although one or the other may also be straight or bisexual. The man donates the sperm and both parties share responsibility for and custody of their child.

As a co-parent, you won't have sole custody of the child. It's vital to get legal advice beforehand. There are many details to be worked out, such as what role each parent will take, how financial costs will be split, and the degree of involvement each will have with the child.

Adoption for same-sex couples

It's now possible for same-sex couples in the UK to adopt a child together.

Couples can apply to adopt through a local authority or an adoption agency. You don't have to live in the local authority you apply to.

Find out more about adopting or fostering a child from the care system in England and Wales.

Surrogacy

Surrogacy is where another woman has a baby for a couple who can't have a child themselves. It's an option if you're a gay man, where the surrogate mother's egg can be fertilised by either you or your partner's sperm.

In reality, surrogacy is rare because it's difficult to arrange. Although it's legal in the UK, no money other than "reasonable expenses" can be paid to the surrogate, and there's nothing to stop her keeping the baby after it's born. It's also illegal to advertise for surrogates.

For more information on the legal position in the UK, visit the COTS website.

Now, read how to protect your fertility.