Relationships

Caring can be exhausting and you may want to take a break or to get extra help. However, the person you care for may refuse to accept help from someone else. This could lead to both of you feeling resentment or anger. If the person you care for doesn't want anyone else involved in their care, you may think that it would upset them if you asked for help. But it’s important to look after yourself.

You may need extra help when:

• You are exhausted or in poor health. It’s important to look after your own health and wellbeing so you can continue with your caring role. Accepting support from others can benefit you and the person you care for.
• You may not be able to fulfil your caring role because of unexpected circumstances, such as a medical emergency or car breakdown.
• The person you care for needs intimate care but they do not feel comfortable about having it.
• There are changes in your circumstances, for example if the person you look after now requires more care or you want to go back to work.

Communication

It can help to talk honestly and openly with the person you care for about how you feel. Tell them how tired you get and that you feel you need a break. They may be worried that you don’t want to care for them any more. Assure them that you do, but that you need a bit more help to care for them in the long term. This may help them understand the situation better.

Explain that while involving other people is not ideal, it’s the only way that you can continue caring for them. You could tell them that you sometimes feel tired or that your GP says you need a break now and again.

A friend, neighbour or relative may be able to give you respite (a break) from caring. If this is possible, it may make it easier to bring up the subject with the person you care for. They may feel more comfortable if they know the other person, and it could put your mind at rest knowing someone close to you is caring for them.

A change of person or scenery may improve your relationship with the person you care for, and they may eventually look forward to it.

Carer’s assessment

Under the Carers and Disabled Children Act 2000, you are entitled to a carer’s assessment even if the person you care for refuses a community care assessment or any involvement from social services. You can have your assessment away from the person you care for, so you can talk openly about your role and how it affects you.

If the person you care for has refused a service, the Carers and Disabled Children Act 2000 allows services that are technically for carers to be given to the cared for person instead.

Contact local carers support groups for advice and support. You may find that many other carers have faced similar situations to yours. Talking to someone whose experiences are similar and knowing that you're not alone can be a great source of support.